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30 January 2011 @ 10:48 am
fanfic: Bowls of Pasta (2/?)  
Title: Bowls of Pasta (2/?)
Fandom: Narnia RPF
Characters/Pairings: James McAvoy/Georgie Henley, with bits of Ben Barnes/Georgie Henley on the side.
Rating: PG and it's utter crack, too.
Warnings: If you don't like OCs, you probably won't like one that's briefly mentioned in one of James's letters. I added a background character, she existed for comic relief. What can you do? *kanyeshrug*
Summary: Skandar and Ben make fun of each other endlessly; Georgie and James are tired of sisters; there are bacon, an unwanted guest, menopause, and a shouting Will P.
A/N: I became addicted to writing this. I don't even know what it is! It's utter crack is what it is, it's fun and it's (hopefully) funny and it's me writing whatever the hell I want to for my own entertainment. It's scatterbrained and all over the place and I hope you enjoy it. Bonjour et bienvenue, mes amis....
Also, it's necessary to read the first chapter to understand what's going on here.
ONE | TWO



From: spidermonkeydarwin_king@aol.com
To: imbringingcaspianback@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: HAHAHAHA
Date: 25 Jan 2011 | 3:25 PM

Oh fuck you, Ben. I bet you don't even know what the books are titled, I bet you'd have to look it up. I bet you'd find not knowing the titles a valuable asset to your coolness.

Well I'll have you know they are excellent.

FINGERSMITH FOR FUCKING EVER.

Aside from that I really suggest you read them. Laugh at me, go ahead, well guess what? Anna's sister likes them. And I know you like Lulu. Even though she's probably a giant lez like we've discussed (not when Anna's around of course) but still that just makes her more legit and therefore COOL. Cooler than you.

She's a legit lesbian reading legitimately lesbian books and we can't even GO there! Her vagina is like a magical world, the portal to which we can NEVER open because WE DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT KEY. NO MATTER HOW KEY-LIKE DICKS ARE. BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT DICK.

It's just so baffling to me, HOW CAN YOU HAVE SEX WITH NO DICK? you can't put a vagina in a vagina


———


From: spidermonkeydarwin_king@aol.com
To: imbringingcaspianback@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: No Subject
Date: 25 Jan 2011 | 3:31 PM

I accidentally hit send on that last email since the vagina thing was baffling me and I was doing that flailing-arms-in-confusion thing that everyone laughs about. And then my elbow hit the mouse.

Skandar



———


From: discofaun06@gmail.com
To: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Don't sweat it James
Date: 27 Jan 2011 | 9:40 PM

Georgie

It looks like I'm going to have to get tattooed then, doesn't it? No point in arguing now, is there? I suppose not. If I'm resigned this early on, then that resignation will turn to anticipation eventually. Anticipation will become excitement and I'll probably be ready by the time you're twenty-five or so.

James


———


From: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
To: discofaun06@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Don't sweat it James
Date: 27 Jan 2011 | 10:30 PM

Is that a promise, James? I'll hold you to it, you know.
And that last sentence you wrote has two meanings lololol.

Georgie



———


From: discofaun06@gmail.com
To: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Don't sweat it James
Date: 27 Jan 2011 | 11:00 PM

OH DEAR GOD GEORGIE DON'T WRITE THINGS LIKE THAT PLEASE IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO STAY SANE.

And I know I'm going to regret this, but...yes, it's a promise.

Anne-Marie's sister's just arrived from Bristol so I must go, we're welcoming her in, she always brings more luggage than she ought to* and I am always the one to carry it in. Bugger it.

Have a good night, I have to log off now.

James


* the emotional kind of luggage, too. urgh. i expect to hear a lot about serial boyfriends this week. also sitting in the kitchen with a guinness at 3:00 in the afternoon. even A-M hates it, she just calls you up out of nowhere at fecking noon and announces that she's on the way to your place and should be there by evening.

Life Advice: marry an only child



———


From: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
To: discofaun06@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't sweat it James
Date: 28 Jan 2011 | 12:10 AM

LOL OH MY GOD SHE SOUNDS AWFUL
Looks like you're in for it. I wouldn't be you if I was paid to do it.

Then again I wouldn't need to be paid, I'm in a successful film franchise and i make bank mothafucka~

Georgie the Townie in Ilkla Mooar baht at, where the nuns play rugby an they've all got spots....

P.S. That means I can't marry you, haha haha!



———


From: discofaun06@gmail.com
To: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't sweat it James
Date: 28 Jan 2011 | 8:20 AM

Georgie

How do you manage to make arrogance adorable?

James

P.S. Trust me, she is. Day One and the migraine shall soon begin. I'll keep you posted.



———


From: imbringingcaspianback@hotmail.co.uk
To: spidermonkeydarwin_king@aol.com
Subject: Re: Re: HAHAHAHA
Date: 31 Jan 2011 | 3:10 PM

"It's just so baffling to me, HOW CAN YOU HAVE SEX WITH NO DICK? you can't put a vagina in a vagina"

skandar have you not heard of the magical thing called a clitoris? it works wonders


No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.53/2054 - Release Date: 04/11/09 10:51:00



———


From: spidermonkeydarwin_king@aol.com
To: imbringingcaspianback@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: Re: Re: Re: HAHAHAHA
Date: 31 Jan 2011 | 5:20 PM

I'm sure you would know, Ben. it's not like you've been single for years or anything.

a-ha-ha.

Skandar



———


From: imbringingcaspianback@hotmail.co.uk
To: spidermonkeydarwin_king@aol.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: HAHAHAHA
Date: 31 Jan 2011 | 7:52 PM

I'm playing the field you self-righteous little fuck


No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 8.0.238 / Virus Database: 270.11.53/2054 - Release Date: 04/11/09 10:51:00



———


From: discofaun06@gmail.com
To: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Fiona Duff Newsletter, Issue #1
Date: 1 February 2011 | 11:45 PM

Georgie, I told you I'd keep you posted and here we are. It's the Fiona Duff weekly (or not, depending on my mood) Newsletter. welcome and enjoy your stay.

Where do I begin?? It is her fifth night here, and this letter may be a bit disjointed, just like her life and my brain....


27 January [Night One]
On the first night we ate at Monkey Nuts [don't ask] and Fiona got pissed drunk. To be fair it was happy hour, but she got more than happy. More like a psychiatrist's nightmare fuel to be honest. She started on about her last boyfriend and it ended out with her standing on a chair, trying to insert her empty beer bottle as a tampon. [Don't worry she was wearing underwear]. It was ugly.
Her skirt which was made of PVC was pulled all up on her stomach in about two seconds, and then with the beer bottle. She forgot that her knickers existed and the fabric stopped her from actually getting the bottle in there. But still.

Anne-Marie had to fucking grab the bottle from her sister's crotch and then tackle her back into the booth. It took me and a couple blokes to get her into the car, but not before at least half the patrons left. I don't think we'll be allowed in there again.


28 January [Day One, since she arrived at night if you remember]
Fiona slept all day. A mercy which turned out to be false, since she woke at 6:00 PM and stayed up all night doing daytime things.

At 7 PM she made herself bacon and eggs. At 8 PM she went for a walk about town. Ten o'clock, she was exercising to a Pilates DVD in our living room.
She styled her hair with the loud blowdryer + every styling mousse on god's green earth at around midnight. It took her an hour.


I wanted to write more, but I hear loud crashes from outside and my car alarm is going off. Damn it.

James



———


From: owlfacemattressnumberhead@yahoo.co.uk
To: discofaun06@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Fiona Duff Newsletter, Issue #1
Date: 2 February 2011 | 3:21 PM

James,

I feel for you. I really do. But this story can warrant only one type of response:

COMEDY GOLD. COMEDY GOLD JAMES.

I was reading it to Laura and she almost pissed her pants in laughter. I told her she better not, not on my pink fuzzy floor pillow, I already had to buy a new one of those from where she did last time (since you can't wash them). She told me that was four years ago, and why do I even remember it still??? Then kept laughing and she rolled over and barked like a dog, with paw-hands and everything.

Trust me I am more sane than my family.

And, Question: If you started your life over and were doing things differently, would you really not marry someone with siblings again?
Like if you met Anne-Marie and, magically knowing what you do now about horrible siblings-in-law, would you decide not to marry her because of it? Or would you marry her in spite of it, because you loved her? OR, would you marry someone completely different?

I've got to go, Rachael needs to use the computer. Something about typing up a resumé. Why didn't she just do that at her flat? She does that stuff here since printer paper is expensive etc etc etc.

you are not the only one dealing with a sister right now. But I've got two, so I wallop you in the annoyance contest. Give me proof I dont! keep these coming they're hilarious. comedy gold as i said.

Love,
Georgie.



———


From: norman_no-mates@gmail.com
To: anna.popplewell@magd.ox.ac.uk
Subject: I wonder...
Date: 3 February 2011 | 6:12 PM

Dear Anna,

I wonder what Georgie and Skandar and everyone are doing. To that point, how are you doing?

Things are all right here, Mum's going bonkers since she's in menopause now and we're replacing one of the windows that she threw a chair straight into. Actually she did that to two windows, but we're only fixing the one in the sitting room. The other one's covered in duct tape - Daisy's plan and let's see if it works.

Will

P.S. maybe Poulterface knows something about them we don't.



———


From: anna.popplewell@magd.ox.ac.uk
To: norman_no-mates@gmail.com
Subject: Re: I wonder...
Date: 3 February 2011 | 6:40 PM

Oh Will stop being everyone's dad, I'm sure they're all fine. Yeah, I know, easy for me to talk, when I do the same thing. Still, your mum's probably making you nervous. You could rent a flat near here, I bet you'd find something cheapish.

If you want the Narnia bit, know that the pub where C. S. Lewis and Tolkien and all used to go is in Oxford, too...I can't remember the name...perhaps they've got a room....

Someone knocked over my porridge, i'm in the dining hall with a lap-top...oh fuck it.

Love,
Anna

P.S. it was actually someone else's porridge but i still want to go clean it up since i'm not just going to LEAVE IT LYING THERE am i?? i'll check with Will about the others by the way — A.



———


From: anna.popplewell@magd.ox.ac.uk
To: willyouisorwillyouaint_mybaby@hotmail.co.uk
Subject: query
Date: 3 February 2011 | 7:02 PM

WILL ARE GEORGIE AND BEN DEAD FROM FUCKING
pretend i didn't write that
IS SKANDAR ALIVE
AND HOW ARE YOU AS WELL??

I only ask because Moseley wants to know and I need to get him off my back.

Sincerely,
Anna



———


From: willyouisorwillyouaint_mybaby@hotmail.co.uk
To: anna.popplewell@magd.ox.co.uk
Subject: Re: query
Date: February 2011 | 7:21 PM

Dear Anna,
You're lucky I'm on-line right now, so you can get back to will right away and stop his epileptic seizures. make him eat some bacon. he'll like it and then he'll think like the hive mind. yes. yes. convert, convert, convert.... he shall think like us with enough bacon down his gullet
hee. hee.

And as for Georgie and Ben. NO. THEY ARE NOT DEAD FROM FUCKING...

...

...


...YET.


i can't make any promises for future.

then again, are you really sure they are? fucking, i mean. WE all joke about it behind their backs (and sometimes to their faces) but is it really happening? And if so, would you condone it (based on legal and moral aspects)? You are a barrister's daughter, after all.

And Skandar is alive. I am living and doing well, except that this girl who lives near me called Millicent won't stop sending me candy hearts and it's getting on my nerves. I heard she saw Dawn Treader about twelve times. I hope it's a lie. How do you put girls off?? Usually I want to make them like me BUT NOT HERE.

How are you two (you and Will)?

I really will shove that bacon down Will's uptight throat if he doesn't calm down
that's it i'm calling the guy.

Will



———


3 February 2011 | 7:30 PM


Will Moseley was brushing his teeth with a manual toothbrush when the call came. He immediately dropped the brush into the sink and spit vigorously. Running to the bedroom, he just managed to grab it on the last ring.

"Hello?"

"Is that you, baconface?" an aggressive voice demanded.

Will was befuddled in the extreme. "...Excuse me? Who is this?"

"YOU KNOW DAMN RUDDY WELL WHO I AM, BACON NO-FACE. YOU CALL ME WHEN YOU CALL!"

"What?" Now Will was slightly scared in addition to his confusion.

"Listen to me. It's very, very rude to send your girlfriend letters questioning her about people she doesn't even know!"

"Poulter, take your meds. Are we talking about Anna? What happened? And she's not my girlfriend, how many times do I have to tell you all —"

"As many times as it takes to make the truth false!"

Will "Baconface" Moseley sighed. When Will Poulter got into fistgrinding rages like this, usually out of protectiveness for Anna, it took a miracle and about ten Xanax to calm him down. Bacon No-Mates dove straight in.

"Where did this all start?" he patiently asked. That was all it took.

"You porkin', baconeating, emailing feet-grabber....

"I am alive. Skandar is alive. Anna is alive, Georgie is alive. Sometimes I question Ben's comprehension of the universe BUT HE IS ALL RIGHT TOO. AND ALIVE."

Bacon-Will began cheerfully. "Well thanks, I'd been wondering that lately —"

"I KNOW FUCKING WELL YOU HAVE. Stop bloody badgering Anna! She's our friend! E-mail harrassment will get you sued! I'll shove your bacontits down your throat —"

Will No-Mates heard a sound from the other end, then a voice, dimly.

Will, what's going on? A woman, Poulter's mother, maybe.

"Nothing, Mum. I'm on the phone to Baconface."

Oh, is that your drug dealer then? the woman joked wryly. For the first time, Moseley No-Mates wondered whether his younger counter-Will really was on drugs. But he dismissed the thought instantly as nonsensical. Will's pupils always looked the same. Drug use affected things like that, didn't it?

The young man sighed. "Yes, Mum, Will is my drug dealer. Would you like me to buy some pot for you? I know you're not into the heavier stuff."

Ah, so it's Moseley you're on with. In that case, just get me some china white.

"All right, then."

Supper's at eight, don't miss it. It's stew Millicent's mum sent over.

"Fucking Millicent again...." Poulter-nuts muttered.

I've had a talk with her mother. She should be out of your hair soon enough, I've made sure of it.

Poulter-nuts gasped in excitement. Enthusiastically he asked, "What, are you having her killed?"

No! A giggle, then receding footsteps. A door shutting.

Baconface Moseley decided this was the time to clear his throat.

"Oh, yeah, you're still on the line. Listen, Will, I have a bit of a problem."

I figured as much, Bacon-Will thought but didn't say. He was very relieved to hear Poulter-nuts's voice sounding far closer to normal. "What kind of a problem?"

"A girl problem."

"Ahh...."

"How do you put girls off? There's one who won't let up, she lives in my town, it's weird."

Bacon-Will was quiet for a moment, thinking. What did put girls off? Then it struck him like lightning on a Sunday morning.

"I've got exactly the cure. Listen, I've got this belt buckle, and every time I've flirted with a girl with it on, I've failed. Just from wearing this one belt."

"A belt?" Poulter-nuts was skeptical.

"Yep. It's in the shape of a ram's head, I can lend it to you by Saturday. She'll be off your back in no time...."


———


the end.
for now. once again, for now.




Cross-posted to narnia_rpf.
 
 
Current Mood: LOLing all over the place
 
 
 
Simon: Effy - Prettyprunesquallormd on January 30th, 2011 09:17 pm (UTC)
Another excellent chapter!
Georgie remains as adorable as ever (and the thought of her saying 'I make bank motherfucka' is priceless :)).

I feel rather sorry for WIll :( He seems kind of side-lined and lonely. I hope he's not going to stay that way.
Not knowing much about Will Poulter (or fandom's image of him) I was rather confused by angry!Will, and also the bacon references!
This is still fabulous though, and I'm really intrigued to see how everything pans out (especially Will's attempts to scare off poor Milicent :)). Hopefully there'll be more soon :)

Edited at 2011-01-30 09:18 pm (UTC)
iamhunpike: Plotting ur death~iamshunpike on January 30th, 2011 09:58 pm (UTC)
Aww thanks. :)

Which Will do you feel sorry for? Will Moseley or Will Poulter? :/
If it's Will Moseley, then I can understand what you mean by lonely. What I really intended was to show how Anna and Will are a little bit separate from the others since they're older and they've left the cast and the films. BUT they will still be friends with all the rest.

And the angry Will P. is just me writing him that way. Fandom doesn't seem to have much of an opinion of him yet at all. It's just that whenever I picture him in a fic, I always imagine him yelling confusedly and being slightly odd.
And the bacon stuff was all me. Just another way to make Will P. odd, I guess. I found it really funny when I wrote it. i wasn't sure how well it was going to go over though: whether it would make any sense. Eh. :/

I figure he'll wear the belt buckle and she'll either love it or run away. She's sort of an primary-school-acquaintance-of-Will-P.'s-turned-fangirl, so, yeah. I'm just not sure yet what'll happen.

And do the OCs bother you? Just out of curiosity. Anne-Marie's sister, then Millicent.


Oh, and the belt buckle is real {probably you knew]. Will wore it all the time back in the beginning, waaaaay before I was even IN this fandom. It just looks so bizarre and silly to me.
Simon: Effy - amusedprunesquallormd on February 2nd, 2011 10:35 pm (UTC)
I was feeling sorry for Will M. It's like, everyone else is all friendly and having fun, and he's having to check up on them through Anna. It just made me kind of sad for him :(

Will P with anger management issues is hilarious, especially as he actually seems to be the sweetest, most polite boy you could hope to meet. I love the idea that behind that gentle exterior there's a little red ball of rage struggling to escape!
LOL The bacon stuff mainly confused me because I figured it must be some sort of in joke that I was missing (my knowledge of Narnia canon is pretty good, but I'm very new to the RPF side of Narnia fandom). It makes a lot more sense now that I know that's not the case.

That belt buckle! D: I think any sane person would run a mile from that, so it'd be a good way of seeing if poor Milly is mainly sane but just with a bit of a hopeless crush, or whether she's completely lost it. Either way, one or other of them will be running a mile :D

The OCs didn't bother me at all; they worked really well. In fact, while I figured that Millicent was original I had no idea Anne-Marie's sister was. I loved reading about her excruciating embarrassing exploits. Poor James! And poor A-M :D

Still very much hoping that there'll be more to come!
lavozdelsilencio on January 30th, 2011 09:46 pm (UTC)
ohgodohgod! That 1st response of Skandar (and him sending it without finishing!! Which totally has happened to me HA! now I have a thingy from gLab that let me undo the sending for the first 10 or so seconds? /end of random blabber) and with Ben's response I almost fall of my chair O.o giggling hysterically and Skandar comeback ohh!
-I just googled what does playing the field meant >.< just to be sure *embarrassed* lol
Oh I should like Ben and Skandar talking about girls and how to make them happy lol!

James and Georgie and her subtle hints and flirts are so cute that I want to get them together and just watch them be :) *loves*

The randoms-nes of Will and Anna .. lol! You got me laughing (loudly-again!) when I read And as for Georgie and Ben. NO. THEY ARE NOT DEAD FROM FUCKING... .. ... cause I had to scroll down the page to read the "...YET." LOLOL! Thinking Will P. will probably be shocked of the mere thought, oh the surprise! when actually that's old gossip/joke among them... lolol! OMG! Now my mind is going wild with scenes of them constantly teasing and joking about B/G fucking..

Will P is seriously (and funnily) messed out. BTW, what is with all this reference of bacon and stuff? lol! Is there another fic/interview/pic/article I should read or is just something you came up with?

I'm very pleased to read the end for now. :) verrrrry happy!
iamhunpike: BEN AND GEORGIE = OTPiamshunpike on January 30th, 2011 10:07 pm (UTC)
I do that a lot too, haha.
And "playing the field" just means dating casually, not being in a serious relationship, just sort of messing around, playing and dating here and there. :) which is what I imagine Ben does.

I know, I want to watch them be, too. :B I like how you put that, "watch them be", it's really true :3

Dead from fucking lol, I don't know where that came from :D

And the bacon thing was just something I came up with. I always think of Will P. yelling and being confused and slightly angry. I do hope that I showed him calming down enough that he doesn't seem...insane or anything, haha. :d
lavozdelsilencio on February 5th, 2011 01:30 am (UTC)
Dead from fucking lol, I don't know where that came from :D loloL! Just keep them coming!

You have so many things about B/G, B/J.. rpf, Narnia in general that I wouldn't like to miss. Do you mind if I friend you, (or track a tag or something) or I should I watch the community where you post your fics? What do you say?
*blinks* *makes big, cute doe eyes at you* please! I don't want to miss any! pleasepleaseplease! :)
iamhunpike: BEN AND GEORGIE = OTPiamshunpike on February 5th, 2011 06:31 pm (UTC)
Well my personal LJ doesn't really have a lot of fandom stuff on it. I post fanfic, icons, etc here, so if you want to keep track of it then just watch the community! :) Makes me happy that you want to. :B
lavozdelsilencio on February 6th, 2011 05:20 am (UTC)
OK! if you have the narnia fics and extra goodness stuff here, I'm definitely watching!
Thank you!
iamhunpike: BEN AND GEORGIE = OTPiamshunpike on February 6th, 2011 08:26 am (UTC)
Nooo, thank you!
lavozdelsilencio on February 6th, 2011 11:15 pm (UTC)
oh no! I mean it, Thank YOU.. You'll do all the work, I won't do anything, I'll be like a leech, I will stuck to your community for my fix and I'll ramble in my comments and giggle and fangirl and be incomprehensible, sometimes English not 1st lang) until I make you (and I) lol! dizzy and we'll pass out from lack of oxygen (lol) but we're tough and won't die and will do it everything again :)

So.. see?
iamhunpike: BEN AND GEORGIE = OTPiamshunpike on February 7th, 2011 09:56 pm (UTC)
I see! :)

And I'm really interested in languages (i'm learning Latin...), so I'm curious, what is your first?
You write pretty well in English! :) English grammar is ridiculously complicated, I would never want to learn it as a second language, I'm glad it was my first....
L.C.: narnia; ben & skandarlikecharity on February 1st, 2011 08:15 pm (UTC)
Haha, yay! Skandar and Ben's bickering is the best. As is Skandar flailing about in confusion over lesbian sex. AS IS THE IMPLICATION THAT LULU IS A LESBIAN. Georgie teasing James about the double meaning (and James's reaction) was great. I love James's first email about Anne-Marie's sister for some reason, it felt really real? Also LOL Anne-Marie's sister, and I enjoyed Anna's emails. You kiiinda lost me towards the end there, but I think maybe I just preferred the email-format? And it got pretty cracky, but like, it is a crackfic, so. Idk idk. DID LIKE THE BELT BUCKLE THING THOUGH. IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE SEEN THAT REFERENCED.
iamhunpike: Plotting ur death~iamshunpike on February 1st, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked the sister in law thing, it was my favorite part by far. That and Baconface. :)